Zero Gravity: the Lighter Side of Science

You Might Be a Physics Major If . . .

Pablo is sorry he named his dog Immovable Object and wished he'd called him Velocity instead.

• You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
  

• You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
  

• You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
  

• It is sunny and 72 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
  

• When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
  

• You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
  

• You always do homework on Friday nights.
  

• You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
  

• You think in "math."
  

• You have no life - and you can prove it mathematically.
  

• You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
  

• You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
  

• You have a pet named after a scientist.
  

• You can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
  

• You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
  

• You are completely addicted to caffeine.
  

• You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
  

• You consider any non-science course "easy."
  

• You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
  

• The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger's Cat experiment.
  

• You can translate English into Binary.
  

• You understood more than five of these indicators.
  

• You clip this column and post it on your door.
  

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